It Came, it went

I didn't get my Christmas spirit this year. I don't know why. It just never came. Usually it comes late, like Dec. 24, I will have a quiet moment and it all hits me. But this year.. not so much. It became a deadline to me. I didn't get it done. It still isn't done, and there is an urge to go shopping and finish it. But how do you finish something that is over. I can't believe it is over. I still think it is a month out. What the hell happened? Was I in some vortex of time where I missed a month? I have the extra Christmas weight to prove it was hear, maybe I ate it.

I look at my kids and think what am I teaching them about Christmas. Did I bake cookies, no, did we look at lights, one night on the way home (but does that really count) did we sing Christmas carols, no. I am sure my kids will survive without doing these things. But I want to do things with them because they are growing up so fast that I might miss out. And really what 20 year old wants to bake cookies with their mother. You see my point.

So I am done with being not ready. I am changing my ways. I want to be organized and run like a well oiled machine. The problem is I am old...and tired. But those are excuses, and I am done with those.

So here are some goals for the new year:
Be on time..to everything
get organized
buy Christmas early
have more dinner parties with friends
exercise more
blog more

I know, it's a lot to accomplish. But, something has to change, I can't go on living this way. It's making me nuts!! I will report on how it's going. Wish me luck!

Halloween

It was a beautiful night for Trick or Treating. Usually, I am not a fan of this Holiday, but everything seemed to work out just right. Great weather, dinner done early, kids ready to go by dusk, and Troy's candy bonanza was ready for the little monsters to come. My kids enjoyed trick or treating this year, so it made it enjoyable for me. We actually made it around the block before the "I'm tired" started coming out!

Max was a Bakugan character named Dan Cursoe? No clue. And Josh was "Toad" from Mario Brothers. Josh's costume came with just the hat and the vest. I made the pants (by hand because I don't sew or own a sewing machine). I put an iron-on image of Toad on his shirt because no-one knew what he was. Everytime someone asked my what my kids were going as for Halloween I had to go into this dissertation on what they were. They chose obscure characters. But whatever they want to be, I am not going to get in their way.

We went around with the neighbor kids. Haley went to the Utah Football game and came back home with boys from her school. Good grief! I'm looking at these boys and shaking my head like are you kidding me? They just stand in my kitchen and look at Haley and her friend Aline. They were a little nervous and I remembered my Jr. High experiences and how awkward it was to have boys over. They finally left and the kids finally wound down from the sugar overload and passed out. They all had a good Halloween!

Soccer

I am not meant to be a soccer mom. Just as much as my children are not meant to be athletes. I don't know who's idea it was to get children to play competitive sports, but I would like to slap that person upside the head. It's stressful for me to watch the boys play soccer. I don't care if they score the winning goal, I really don't. But some participation would be nice. Max is more concerned with his shadow then any ball that accidentally bounces off his knees and lands at his feet and all he has to do is simply lift his foot and kick the damn BALL!!! But, deep breath, he continues to play with his shadow. They are good at just standing there and getting in the way. So if the ball happens to come where they are, they are good defense because no one can get around them. Josh is interested in the ball but only to throw it in field, or to be goalie. The coach is so nice and allows the boys their turn at goalie. She doesn't need to do that. I shake my head "no" as she is asked repeatedly by Josh if he can be goalie. I pray, dear God, please don't let them be goalie. I try to sit calmly and just watch them as if they were playing with their friends. But then they do something stupid like put a twig in their mouth and look at the shadow of the twig in their mouth. I then stand up and start following them and yelling "MAX pay attention, follow the ball, kick the ball, help your team!" I'm exhausted and pissed off by the end of the game. Until Joshy, with his cute little face comes running off the field, asking me if I saw him kick the ball. ok. fine. "yes, I saw you kick the ball and you did great buddy," I tell him. I keep thinking of things they can do where it doesn't impact anyone else, like golf, bowling, clay pottery, long distance running. If there were competitive shadow dancing and competitive asking to be goalie, my kids would be gold medalist!

Enjoy

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most to me. Max presented this to me yesterday and simply said, "enjoy!"
Who could pass up a triple decker Ritz and Cheese Whiz sandwich. Certainly not me. Thanks Maxie, for thinking of me.

Glasses

The boys needed glasses. I wish they didn't need glasses, but darn they look cute!!

They got the talk on how to take care of them. Max has already lost them twice.

They are overly aware on how to put them back in the case and have put them in and out of the case 50 times today.

So not only do we have to find the glasses but we have to find the case.

End of Summer

I always get a little sad at the end of summer. It seems I just get into the schedule when it is time to get the kids ready to go back to school. But, I have to say that I like the school schedule. Kids go to bed earlier, and life seems more structured. The boys started first grade. Josh was very excited. When I told him it was time to get up, he put his arms straight in the air and said, "Hooray, today is the first day of first grade!" Max wasn't so sure. He had this look on his face like he wasn't too sure it was going to be fun.
I mean, Max loves to be at home, watching his shows, surfing the net and eating his snacks. He has it down. So why on earth would you want to change that. I wrote him a note to chum him through the day.
Yes, he calls me Ma. I don't know why. I wrote Josh one too, but somehow that note disappeared.

Haley started Jr. High. And she is like totally excited...like..totally. She was up and dressed by 6:00 a.m. Totally.

She couldn't wait to get there. I couldn't believe how grown up she looked when I took her picture.

I thought of my little girl going to Kindergarten when I would dress her in a red dress and boots and I followed the school bus to and from school because I thought for sure the bus driver would not drop her off at the right place and she would just be wandering the streets. The bus driver dropped her off at the right place by the way. I had a harder time seeing Haley go to Jr. High, than I did with the boys going to first grade. Uggh, they grow too fast.

Aunt B

Aunt B passed away.
My heart is still so sad.
People say their comforting words
she lived a long life,
she is at peace,
she is out of pain,
she is with those she loves.
It doesn't help.
Nobody understands.
She was mine.
She was my link to the past.
She was my link to my mom.
I still have the urge to care for her.
To visit her in the hospital.
I cry when I pass by it.
I cry when I see old people.
Because I miss her so much.
She was feisty, opinionated, and loyal to me.
I could do no wrong.
She loved me unconditionally. She loved me a lot.
I loved her stories.
Her love for her husband and her parents.
Her devotion to her siblings.
Her family first views.
Her happy place was in her condo
looking over the valley at night.
Watching the planes land, and toasting them with some wine.
That's where I have put her in my mind.
I am not ready to tuck her away
as a great memory.
She grounded me.
And now I feel lost.