It Came, it went

I didn't get my Christmas spirit this year. I don't know why. It just never came. Usually it comes late, like Dec. 24, I will have a quiet moment and it all hits me. But this year.. not so much. It became a deadline to me. I didn't get it done. It still isn't done, and there is an urge to go shopping and finish it. But how do you finish something that is over. I can't believe it is over. I still think it is a month out. What the hell happened? Was I in some vortex of time where I missed a month? I have the extra Christmas weight to prove it was hear, maybe I ate it.

I look at my kids and think what am I teaching them about Christmas. Did I bake cookies, no, did we look at lights, one night on the way home (but does that really count) did we sing Christmas carols, no. I am sure my kids will survive without doing these things. But I want to do things with them because they are growing up so fast that I might miss out. And really what 20 year old wants to bake cookies with their mother. You see my point.

So I am done with being not ready. I am changing my ways. I want to be organized and run like a well oiled machine. The problem is I am old...and tired. But those are excuses, and I am done with those.

So here are some goals for the new year:
Be on time..to everything
get organized
buy Christmas early
have more dinner parties with friends
exercise more
blog more

I know, it's a lot to accomplish. But, something has to change, I can't go on living this way. It's making me nuts!! I will report on how it's going. Wish me luck!

Halloween

It was a beautiful night for Trick or Treating. Usually, I am not a fan of this Holiday, but everything seemed to work out just right. Great weather, dinner done early, kids ready to go by dusk, and Troy's candy bonanza was ready for the little monsters to come. My kids enjoyed trick or treating this year, so it made it enjoyable for me. We actually made it around the block before the "I'm tired" started coming out!

Max was a Bakugan character named Dan Cursoe? No clue. And Josh was "Toad" from Mario Brothers. Josh's costume came with just the hat and the vest. I made the pants (by hand because I don't sew or own a sewing machine). I put an iron-on image of Toad on his shirt because no-one knew what he was. Everytime someone asked my what my kids were going as for Halloween I had to go into this dissertation on what they were. They chose obscure characters. But whatever they want to be, I am not going to get in their way.

We went around with the neighbor kids. Haley went to the Utah Football game and came back home with boys from her school. Good grief! I'm looking at these boys and shaking my head like are you kidding me? They just stand in my kitchen and look at Haley and her friend Aline. They were a little nervous and I remembered my Jr. High experiences and how awkward it was to have boys over. They finally left and the kids finally wound down from the sugar overload and passed out. They all had a good Halloween!

Soccer

I am not meant to be a soccer mom. Just as much as my children are not meant to be athletes. I don't know who's idea it was to get children to play competitive sports, but I would like to slap that person upside the head. It's stressful for me to watch the boys play soccer. I don't care if they score the winning goal, I really don't. But some participation would be nice. Max is more concerned with his shadow then any ball that accidentally bounces off his knees and lands at his feet and all he has to do is simply lift his foot and kick the damn BALL!!! But, deep breath, he continues to play with his shadow. They are good at just standing there and getting in the way. So if the ball happens to come where they are, they are good defense because no one can get around them. Josh is interested in the ball but only to throw it in field, or to be goalie. The coach is so nice and allows the boys their turn at goalie. She doesn't need to do that. I shake my head "no" as she is asked repeatedly by Josh if he can be goalie. I pray, dear God, please don't let them be goalie. I try to sit calmly and just watch them as if they were playing with their friends. But then they do something stupid like put a twig in their mouth and look at the shadow of the twig in their mouth. I then stand up and start following them and yelling "MAX pay attention, follow the ball, kick the ball, help your team!" I'm exhausted and pissed off by the end of the game. Until Joshy, with his cute little face comes running off the field, asking me if I saw him kick the ball. ok. fine. "yes, I saw you kick the ball and you did great buddy," I tell him. I keep thinking of things they can do where it doesn't impact anyone else, like golf, bowling, clay pottery, long distance running. If there were competitive shadow dancing and competitive asking to be goalie, my kids would be gold medalist!

Enjoy

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most to me. Max presented this to me yesterday and simply said, "enjoy!"
Who could pass up a triple decker Ritz and Cheese Whiz sandwich. Certainly not me. Thanks Maxie, for thinking of me.

Glasses

The boys needed glasses. I wish they didn't need glasses, but darn they look cute!!

They got the talk on how to take care of them. Max has already lost them twice.

They are overly aware on how to put them back in the case and have put them in and out of the case 50 times today.

So not only do we have to find the glasses but we have to find the case.

End of Summer

I always get a little sad at the end of summer. It seems I just get into the schedule when it is time to get the kids ready to go back to school. But, I have to say that I like the school schedule. Kids go to bed earlier, and life seems more structured. The boys started first grade. Josh was very excited. When I told him it was time to get up, he put his arms straight in the air and said, "Hooray, today is the first day of first grade!" Max wasn't so sure. He had this look on his face like he wasn't too sure it was going to be fun.
I mean, Max loves to be at home, watching his shows, surfing the net and eating his snacks. He has it down. So why on earth would you want to change that. I wrote him a note to chum him through the day.
Yes, he calls me Ma. I don't know why. I wrote Josh one too, but somehow that note disappeared.

Haley started Jr. High. And she is like totally excited...like..totally. She was up and dressed by 6:00 a.m. Totally.

She couldn't wait to get there. I couldn't believe how grown up she looked when I took her picture.

I thought of my little girl going to Kindergarten when I would dress her in a red dress and boots and I followed the school bus to and from school because I thought for sure the bus driver would not drop her off at the right place and she would just be wandering the streets. The bus driver dropped her off at the right place by the way. I had a harder time seeing Haley go to Jr. High, than I did with the boys going to first grade. Uggh, they grow too fast.

Aunt B

Aunt B passed away.
My heart is still so sad.
People say their comforting words
she lived a long life,
she is at peace,
she is out of pain,
she is with those she loves.
It doesn't help.
Nobody understands.
She was mine.
She was my link to the past.
She was my link to my mom.
I still have the urge to care for her.
To visit her in the hospital.
I cry when I pass by it.
I cry when I see old people.
Because I miss her so much.
She was feisty, opinionated, and loyal to me.
I could do no wrong.
She loved me unconditionally. She loved me a lot.
I loved her stories.
Her love for her husband and her parents.
Her devotion to her siblings.
Her family first views.
Her happy place was in her condo
looking over the valley at night.
Watching the planes land, and toasting them with some wine.
That's where I have put her in my mind.
I am not ready to tuck her away
as a great memory.
She grounded me.
And now I feel lost.

Kids Sleeping...not.

I think my kids have it in for me. They don't sleep. Josh and Haley would stay up all night if I let them. Max begs me to cuddle with him and then falls asleep. So that's great, I love that kid for that reason. Haley stays up later than me. I can't stay up that late. She has always loved to stay up late. I remember when she was little, we would lay in her room and I would put in a movie that would for sure put her to sleep, BAMBI. If you can make it through the opening credits of Bambi, and not fall asleep, then you are a true champ. I, am no champ. I fall asleep before the Director credit is on screen. I would come to about half way through the movie, and there is Haley, bright eyed like it is some suspense thriller. So I don't even try with Haley.

Last night I swear Josh was up three times. The first time was a blood curdling scream that would raise me from the dead. I go clomping into his room expecting him to be handing me a bloody stump and he says, "I can't find the remote." For the love. I said Josh, it is time to sleep. Don't worry about the remote because I am turning off your TV. Go potty. He does, and cuddles in bed and goes to sleep. Then about 2 hours later, "Mommmmm." Again, I go running in there like a drunken sailor, what? "I want to change my underwear," he says. I am not making this stuff up. This actually happened. I said, ok, change your underwear. Here is a pair, put these on. Go potty. Now go to bed. The last time he woke up, he just quietly appeared at my bed, gets right in my face and says, "mom, I'm cold." Ok, get in my bed. Which means, I have to get up, because Troy and Max are there too. So I go lay in Josh/Max's bed for another 15 minutes until my alarm goes off. I think to myself, when was the last time I really slept through the night. I can't remember. Haley is 12, it was probably before then. I have been married for 18 years, Troy hasn't gone to bed before 10:00 in our entire marriage. So it was probably around 1985 when I slept through the night. That's ok. I am not complaining too much. I know someday I will get too much sleep and the kids won't be around. I try to remember that when I am clomping into their bedrooms all night.

I've Truly Lost it now.

Aunt B is not happy in the hospital. She is as fragile as she can be and sometimes those nurses and aides can be rough. Today, I had enough of seeing Aunt B cry. I am taking her home. I wanted to perform my Shirley McClain impersonation in Terms of Endearment and start screaming, give my daughter her pain pill! But I didn't. As the "Team" gathered to give me their assessment of Aunt B, it was all I could do to not unplug the bed and wheel her home in it. I mean it is only a few blocks from my house. As good as some of the nurses were there, they didn't get it. They don't understand her needs. They talk to her like she is retarded, they poke, grab, tape and hurt her. Aunt B deserves better. When my Aunt Charlotte was in a nursing home begging to come home, I didn't do it. I was 23 and didn't have the "Hutspa" as I do now. I have regretted not taking her home and caring for her. After talking it over with Troy, we decided to try to care for Aunt B at home. I am nervous that I won't be able to do it. She can't walk, stand, or even sit up. I just think she will get better quicker at home. I hope it works out. Troy is awesome to help out. He said to me that we are a team in this, and we will do it together. Wow, that's pretty amazing.

Planning Her Escape

Aunt B fell and broke her hip last week. It has been a rough week for her. She has pneumonia and some heart issues and I really didn't think she would make it through surgery. But she did. She is a tough cookie. But her recovery has been tough. And for most of the week she hasn't talked much, or moved much. This morning when I got there, she was open eyed and a little more alert. A big improvement. They did some physical therapy and Aunt B combed her hair by herself. She sat on the edge of the bed with a little assistance.

Troy came around lunch time and helped her eat lunch. She was still alert and bossing the nurses aid out of the room. She can be that way when she isn't feeling like being a test patient. She quizzed Troy about how far her bed was from the door. Humoring her, he said about 6 feet. She thought about this. She told Troy that maybe they could move her bed closer to the door. Puzzled he said, ok we could do that later. She told him to bring her walker to the hospital and position it at the foot of the bed. She had eyed where the guard rail was lacking at the foot of the bed. She figured she could scoot down to the end of the bed, grab her walker, and head out the door. She was planning her escape out of the hospital. She wants out of there, like a jail break. I think she might make it. This attitude of breaking out makes me laugh and hope that she does make it out of there, but with me pushing her in a wheelchair.

Summer Vacation !

I love to go on a vacation every year. I think it is a fun way to just be together and "bond." I have fond memories of my vacations as a kid. We always went to the Homestead, and except for the time my brother told me I was adopted, it usually was a good time. Not that being adopted is a bad thing, he was just being a jerk and saying I wasn't really a Wiscomb because I was adopted. Yet, I digress. I remember the drive to the Homestead and asking my dad how much longer (it seemed really far away). His answer was always the same...just over that mountain. Which made me crazy because I thought good hell, we have to drive all the way to the top and then back down again, we will never get there. My mom always made me feel better by saying that we go around the mountain, which always seemed easier and closer. Obviously my dad and brother shared the same sense of humor. You know, humor by making Judy pissed off. Which really doesn't work for me. When we got to the room, Robert (the previously mentioned brother) and I were excited to go swimming. But first my parents made us set up the bar and make them a drink consisting of (get this) Tang and Vodka. Now, there are many things wrong with this event. First, why do the children have to set up the bar. Second, why would you need to drink before you take your kids swimming, wouldn't you want to be kind of sharp? Third, Tang, really? Tang isn't even good alone let alone with Vodka. Here let's pour some which hazel in Tang and see if it tastes good. It took me many years of trying to figure out the Tang/Vodka combo. Then I realized that in 1975 there were no refrigerators in the room, so you couldn't have a proper mixer like orange juice handy. Tang traveled well. And I guess the first drink was really the hard part. After that, it didn't really matter what the vodka was mixed with, as long as they kept on coming. I never even thought this was strange until as an adult taking my kids swimming immediately after arriving to a hotel and thinking, why would I make my kids set up the bar, and why would I drink before going swimming. Makes my head hurt.

We decided to take advantage of our own Park City for our vacation this year. Truthfully, my kids just want to swim and shop. Even when I take them to Disneyland they have a good time, but ask me when we are going back to the hotel to swim. I'm like, are you kidding me, we are in Disneyland, and you want to go swimming. Therefore, we went to Park City. Once we start driving up the canyon, I always think to myself, why don't we come up here more often. Just for the day. It is 30 minutes away. I can't even get to Draper in 30 minutes. Park City is great. We went on the Alpine Slide and the new Alpine Coaster which in my book is better than the slide. We shopped and swam, and enjoyed the scenery. We put puzzles together and watched about 50 episodes of Spongebob. We did whatever the kids wanted to do. I even got to see a friend (Hayley Wilson Mullin) from High School who lives in California and was in Park City for a softball tourney. So hey, it's a winner all the way around.

My New Friend...Tofu

Apparently, my liver is not happy. Damn liver. Nothing too serious, just not happy. So I need to eat like a fricken rabbit now. Which will be good for me. But I so love food. You know, really good, rich food with cream and butter...mmmm butter. But reality, like it always does for me, comes knocken' at my door. Damn door. I need to give up sugar, bye bye cookies, flour, bye bye bread, and animal products, bye bye lean roast beef sandwiches. I'm even supposed to give up alcohol. Now wait just a damn minute. No wine? How will I cope through Haley's teenage years. I was stocking up. Oh deep sigh! So say hello to my little friend, tofu. Now, I am game for tofu in miso soup. Yes, it's a winner. And occasionally in stirfry. But tofu burgers and tofu pretending to be a taco? I guess I will learn to love it. Damn tofu. So I will post some of my encounters with tofu and we will see how this goes. Then there is Troy. Damn Troy. Who can eat ANYTHING. Never gains weight, never has any health concerns and eats like a 17 year old boy trying to fatten up to be on the Offensive Line! Not fair (here is the pity party). My house is full of treats! But, as my pity party ends, I am going to be good and not snack on them, see if my levels go down and try to maintain a healthy loving lifestyle. Damn Troy.

Dad's 86th

My dad turned 86 in February. We had a party to celebrate. It is total chaos. Family all over, no one can hear anything,TV on, kids running in and out of the house. Dad has a great time, he loves to have his family around, even if it is chaotic. His favorite part of the day was earlier that day when Max came out and wished Grandfather a Happy Birthday. Then promptly turned around and "mooned" him. My dad laughed and said that made his day.


Max and Grandfather (just after the "mooning")


Josh and Grandfather

First tooth!

Max lost a tooth, then he really lost it. We need to write a letter to the tooth fairy to tell her we can't find it. I think he accidentally swallowed it and NO I am not going to look for it. The tooth fairy completely understands these situations and she "magically" finds it. Thank God. This is Max's first tooth that he has lost. Josh hasn't lost a tooth yet, but desperately wishes to lose one, just for the glamor. He asks me every day to feel his teeth to see if one of them is loose. I say, yep, it's getting a little loose. Come on tooth. How long can I keep this up, a year? I don't think so. So I hope his tooth gets loose soon.

Sweet Niblets

Josh says, "Sweet Niblets" whenever he is expressing disbelief. It is from Hannah Montana, and better than his previous saying of "holy crap." I don't mind the Sweet Niblets saying, so here are some Sweet Niblets from the past month. It has been so long since I have updated my blog, I don't know where to start. I guess we survived Christmas. I am always glad that it is over and I made it through the season without having to say to my kids "get mother another drink." My house is still not the same. I can't seem to get every toy or Christmas decoration put away. Just when I think I have every ornament put away, one appears from under the couch or under something. And I hate that, because then I have to go downstairs, find the little container that that ornament goes in and put it away. It's like God is punishing me for something and there it is another damn ornament. Will it ever end! What am I supposed to learn from this, to appreciate Christmas a little more? To cherish the season a little longer? What is it?

So since my short term memory is pretty much toast these days, I will go with what I did this weekend. Last night some of my classmates from good ol' Granite High got together. We do this every year around this time when our friend Scott Sleater comes in from New York. We had about 15 people there and it was so much fun. I brought yearbooks and we laughed at our 80's hairdos (the mullets, the bi-levels, the bleaching, the Flock of Seagulls) and wondered what people were up to. It was a great time. They are the best bunch of people. I don't know what it is with me and getting together with this kids. Maybe it is a wish to go back to a simpler time or maybe I liked the way I was in high school.Either way, I love seeing my high school friends and look forward to seeing them again.

Today at church the kids were practicing for an upcoming family concert at the Tabernacle. It is some concert for all kids of different religions to sing. It was so cute I had to tape it. Obviously, we need a little more practice and to learn the words.