Soccer

I am not meant to be a soccer mom. Just as much as my children are not meant to be athletes. I don't know who's idea it was to get children to play competitive sports, but I would like to slap that person upside the head. It's stressful for me to watch the boys play soccer. I don't care if they score the winning goal, I really don't. But some participation would be nice. Max is more concerned with his shadow then any ball that accidentally bounces off his knees and lands at his feet and all he has to do is simply lift his foot and kick the damn BALL!!! But, deep breath, he continues to play with his shadow. They are good at just standing there and getting in the way. So if the ball happens to come where they are, they are good defense because no one can get around them. Josh is interested in the ball but only to throw it in field, or to be goalie. The coach is so nice and allows the boys their turn at goalie. She doesn't need to do that. I shake my head "no" as she is asked repeatedly by Josh if he can be goalie. I pray, dear God, please don't let them be goalie. I try to sit calmly and just watch them as if they were playing with their friends. But then they do something stupid like put a twig in their mouth and look at the shadow of the twig in their mouth. I then stand up and start following them and yelling "MAX pay attention, follow the ball, kick the ball, help your team!" I'm exhausted and pissed off by the end of the game. Until Joshy, with his cute little face comes running off the field, asking me if I saw him kick the ball. ok. fine. "yes, I saw you kick the ball and you did great buddy," I tell him. I keep thinking of things they can do where it doesn't impact anyone else, like golf, bowling, clay pottery, long distance running. If there were competitive shadow dancing and competitive asking to be goalie, my kids would be gold medalist!

Enjoy

Sometimes it is the little things that mean the most to me. Max presented this to me yesterday and simply said, "enjoy!"
Who could pass up a triple decker Ritz and Cheese Whiz sandwich. Certainly not me. Thanks Maxie, for thinking of me.

Glasses

The boys needed glasses. I wish they didn't need glasses, but darn they look cute!!

They got the talk on how to take care of them. Max has already lost them twice.

They are overly aware on how to put them back in the case and have put them in and out of the case 50 times today.

So not only do we have to find the glasses but we have to find the case.

End of Summer

I always get a little sad at the end of summer. It seems I just get into the schedule when it is time to get the kids ready to go back to school. But, I have to say that I like the school schedule. Kids go to bed earlier, and life seems more structured. The boys started first grade. Josh was very excited. When I told him it was time to get up, he put his arms straight in the air and said, "Hooray, today is the first day of first grade!" Max wasn't so sure. He had this look on his face like he wasn't too sure it was going to be fun.
I mean, Max loves to be at home, watching his shows, surfing the net and eating his snacks. He has it down. So why on earth would you want to change that. I wrote him a note to chum him through the day.
Yes, he calls me Ma. I don't know why. I wrote Josh one too, but somehow that note disappeared.

Haley started Jr. High. And she is like totally excited...like..totally. She was up and dressed by 6:00 a.m. Totally.

She couldn't wait to get there. I couldn't believe how grown up she looked when I took her picture.

I thought of my little girl going to Kindergarten when I would dress her in a red dress and boots and I followed the school bus to and from school because I thought for sure the bus driver would not drop her off at the right place and she would just be wandering the streets. The bus driver dropped her off at the right place by the way. I had a harder time seeing Haley go to Jr. High, than I did with the boys going to first grade. Uggh, they grow too fast.

Aunt B

Aunt B passed away.
My heart is still so sad.
People say their comforting words
she lived a long life,
she is at peace,
she is out of pain,
she is with those she loves.
It doesn't help.
Nobody understands.
She was mine.
She was my link to the past.
She was my link to my mom.
I still have the urge to care for her.
To visit her in the hospital.
I cry when I pass by it.
I cry when I see old people.
Because I miss her so much.
She was feisty, opinionated, and loyal to me.
I could do no wrong.
She loved me unconditionally. She loved me a lot.
I loved her stories.
Her love for her husband and her parents.
Her devotion to her siblings.
Her family first views.
Her happy place was in her condo
looking over the valley at night.
Watching the planes land, and toasting them with some wine.
That's where I have put her in my mind.
I am not ready to tuck her away
as a great memory.
She grounded me.
And now I feel lost.

Kids Sleeping...not.

I think my kids have it in for me. They don't sleep. Josh and Haley would stay up all night if I let them. Max begs me to cuddle with him and then falls asleep. So that's great, I love that kid for that reason. Haley stays up later than me. I can't stay up that late. She has always loved to stay up late. I remember when she was little, we would lay in her room and I would put in a movie that would for sure put her to sleep, BAMBI. If you can make it through the opening credits of Bambi, and not fall asleep, then you are a true champ. I, am no champ. I fall asleep before the Director credit is on screen. I would come to about half way through the movie, and there is Haley, bright eyed like it is some suspense thriller. So I don't even try with Haley.

Last night I swear Josh was up three times. The first time was a blood curdling scream that would raise me from the dead. I go clomping into his room expecting him to be handing me a bloody stump and he says, "I can't find the remote." For the love. I said Josh, it is time to sleep. Don't worry about the remote because I am turning off your TV. Go potty. He does, and cuddles in bed and goes to sleep. Then about 2 hours later, "Mommmmm." Again, I go running in there like a drunken sailor, what? "I want to change my underwear," he says. I am not making this stuff up. This actually happened. I said, ok, change your underwear. Here is a pair, put these on. Go potty. Now go to bed. The last time he woke up, he just quietly appeared at my bed, gets right in my face and says, "mom, I'm cold." Ok, get in my bed. Which means, I have to get up, because Troy and Max are there too. So I go lay in Josh/Max's bed for another 15 minutes until my alarm goes off. I think to myself, when was the last time I really slept through the night. I can't remember. Haley is 12, it was probably before then. I have been married for 18 years, Troy hasn't gone to bed before 10:00 in our entire marriage. So it was probably around 1985 when I slept through the night. That's ok. I am not complaining too much. I know someday I will get too much sleep and the kids won't be around. I try to remember that when I am clomping into their bedrooms all night.

I've Truly Lost it now.

Aunt B is not happy in the hospital. She is as fragile as she can be and sometimes those nurses and aides can be rough. Today, I had enough of seeing Aunt B cry. I am taking her home. I wanted to perform my Shirley McClain impersonation in Terms of Endearment and start screaming, give my daughter her pain pill! But I didn't. As the "Team" gathered to give me their assessment of Aunt B, it was all I could do to not unplug the bed and wheel her home in it. I mean it is only a few blocks from my house. As good as some of the nurses were there, they didn't get it. They don't understand her needs. They talk to her like she is retarded, they poke, grab, tape and hurt her. Aunt B deserves better. When my Aunt Charlotte was in a nursing home begging to come home, I didn't do it. I was 23 and didn't have the "Hutspa" as I do now. I have regretted not taking her home and caring for her. After talking it over with Troy, we decided to try to care for Aunt B at home. I am nervous that I won't be able to do it. She can't walk, stand, or even sit up. I just think she will get better quicker at home. I hope it works out. Troy is awesome to help out. He said to me that we are a team in this, and we will do it together. Wow, that's pretty amazing.